High School AWESOMEness

It's my last week in the Big D. Back to the jolly ol' on Monday.

So...
I have this box (secretly hid under my twin bed at the parent's house) full of notes from junior high and high school. Whenever I'm starting to feel a little good about myself, I sort through this box as a reminder of my shortcomings.

Here's two that made me laugh...and cringe:
(please read the following like a valley girl)

Hey Hey Mary,
Oh my God, could she be any more annoying?! Uhhhhh. So how was your weekend? Mine was kinda boring. Wait, are u still drilling? Did you go to the bball game on Friday? Nope, I didn't make it. Hehe. Write back.

Yo Lady,
Wow, very informative note! Weekend-I did nothing-slept all Sat. night, it felt AWESOME! I saw my obsession @ church (I baked him cookies) HOTTIE!!! Yes, I'm still drilling or dancing (hehe) dumby. We are getting ready for competition in Santa Fe baby!!! I have to do a solo...pray for me. No didn't go to the game. So, do you have a boyfriend? Eh eh?


MBK,
Miss LeBlanc was so funny today- she showed us like four times with a pencil what happens during an erection. Every time she would giggle and everyone is staring at her like she is insane! It took her like five minutes just to describe what semen looked like-I was like-why the hell do we need to know all this crap? No one even asked her any personal questions which I thought would be so funny-and I would have, except for I fell asleep during the middle of it. She is such a ditz! Anyways, Ms. Openshaw is probably aware that I'm typing this note and I already got in trouble for chewing gum-so I better go!
-Katherine


I baked him cookies...wow.

Top Ten: Best Things About Being Home

1. Strong, non-instant coffee.
Thank you baby Jesus! I've awoken!

2. The plethora of magazines that have arrived in my absence.

3. Making Marlene nervous about the state of my maturity.

4. Dad and his new industrial waffle maker.
"Ladies...tomorrow we're having waffles for breakfast."

5. My drinking buddy...Grandma.
She's a fan of my new Christmas concoction: Kahlua and diet root beer

6. Stop by visits with my favorite neighbors.

7. Shopping in dolla's. Yeeeah.

8. Driving...and not having to plan hours in advance.

9. Holy hell, I actually understood what you just said.

10. Soft sticks of gum.
Seriously...when did the gum companies decide to follow Mexico and make everything in Chiclet form?


Merry Christmas everyone!
I hope you're surrounded by individuals who care and make you laugh...nothing's better.

Texas Bound

When people in England find out I'm from Dallas, they always ask me one of three questions:

One: Do I live on a ranch?

Two: Do I ride horses,

or Three: Have I ever been bit by a snake?

I respond, "Yes, yes, and yes. I also have three brothers. All named Billy Bob."

Quote of the Week...

So, we were discussing American pancakes, when one of my co-workers inquires, "What are they like?"
This is when the American in the room should shut up and just listen to
the entertaining responses that come about.

"Pancakes are like flat muffins."

"...or a flat Yorkshire pudding."



Ahh...so misguided.

Big, Fat Clubfoot Update

After three weeks of swollen annoyance, I finally paid a visit to the doctor about my giant foot.

Diagnosis:
Could be one of two things...a stress fracture, or a sprain.
I find out tomorrow after my x-ray.

So...this is what the doctor wrote on my 'X-Ray Request Card'
Swollen, tender right foot after much BOPPING.

Only in England I tell you.

I Spy the Greatest Euro-Spike EVER...

I was honored to have my turkey served by this young man.
Do you think he killed it himself with that sharp spike of his?

The Italians

What are the odds of running into two Italians working out in the gym to my flats...in Bradford, England?
Slim to none, my friends.

Who needs music when you can hear the sweet sound of Alessandro and Giseppe speaking their
native tongue and getting sweaty within view?

They're my new foreign friends that I like to look at.

Which got me thinking...
I'm the totally the foreign girl over here.

If only it was working out for me the way it did with Shannon Elizabeth. (insert long sigh here)

Mystery Man Numero 6: The #1 Hottie at Work...Scandalous, I know.

Let me just begin this saucy post by saying that dating men at work is, more often than not, a really bad idea.
This is why the Mystery Man Method is so brilliant.

A Mystery Man is someone who is admired from a distance.
A woman must keep her mystery man at a distance for fear that the idea of him would be busted if a conversation was actually exchanged. You get to see all of him…thank you Father Jesus…and the rest of him (intelligence, sense of humor, maturity, relationship status, everything that really means anything) is whatever you want it to be.

Sighting:
Walking about on the creative floor.
I get to look at him (from a distance) once a week if I'm lucky.

Physical Description:
I would guess 6'4'', dark brown euro-spike, blue eyes (i might have just made that up),
always in a suit (have i mentioned how i love men in suits?)

Eye Contact:
mmm...I need some coaching on this one.

Conversation:
Negs

MB Man Rating:
10.
Bam.
Yes ladies, he's that beautiful.

Assumption:
Married and/or has a girlfriend.
Because that's what English guys do. They date a girl for, like, ten years, either get married, or break up.
If they break up, they move on to the next ten year relationship.

He probably likes beef. All guys like beef.

and...I think he would love me.
This assumption is now attached to every Mystery Man.

Please Read like the Chick on American Pie:

Sometimes...on Sundays...I go to German markets...get loopy on mulled wine...and give myself virtual makeovers.

taaz.com = hours of crazy fun.

Oooh Christmas.
It's the time for birth...and oh holy nights.
This Christmas, I'm thankful that the only birthing in my near future...is the birth of a new hairdo.

The Wilma Flintstone...sexy, huh?



The British Two-Tone...this topic deserves a post of its own



The Butt Cut Semi Blond



The Boob Reduct-ed Jessica Simpson :(



Do you think blond could get me a boyfriend?
All blokes dig the blondies, right?

Friday's Make me Smile...

...and so does this photo.
This is just the happiest little ram I've ever seen in my life.

It is a ram...isn't it?

photo courtesy of Hottie Rob (blondie in the Backstreet post below)

Target: Lazy Americans in the UK on Thanksgiving

gross.

Backstreet's BACK

I'd like to introduce you to Hallmark's very own...British Boy Band.

All four come with a euro-spike, sexy accent, and an eye for design.
Ladies and Gents...welcome...CMYK.

No...not really.
It just occurred to me that all men in the UK look like they're in a Boy Band.
I dig it. White belts and all.